"Found this on the side of the road in my neighborhood. Thought it was a brain, then dissected it and now I have no idea."

"Lots of small lobes, fuzzy inside, rubbery?... The dark part almost looked like fabric, although it could have picked that up from the ground. It did not smell like formaldehyde, it smelled kind of sour. It was rubbery and stayed together fairly well, but soft and easily crumbled into the 'lobes.' Found in a residential neighborhood."  

Said the man who posted on the whatisthisthing subreddit, only to find out the thing he'd become fascinated by was dog shit.

And isn't that a metaphor for life itself? 

Well, maybe but don't talk about that on r/whatisthisthing. The moderators will crack down on you: "This thread is locked because the hundreds of now removed comments discussing 'how amazing this thread is' are not considered helpful, and thus violate our rules. The item has been identified and there's not much else to say about it."

It's a subreddit for identifying the item, not for taking off and having fun with your random bullshit, even when the item is shit.

"Simon told police that he was walking his dog with his girlfriend in the 3000 block of North Fox Street when he told the dog to poop."

"He then heard a voice from a ground-level apartment yelling at them and asking if they were going to train the dog or just yell at it, according to the probable cause statement. Simon said he tried to ignore the yelling but then saw the man point a gun at him."

From "Suspect in homicide near Coors Field opened fire because of dispute over dog poop, police say/Michael Close, 36, accused of firing on victims from his apartment while they were walking their dog" (Denver Post).

"Toilet paper is being removed from many of our [Dane County park] toilets as soon as it’s being restocked and our supplies are limited at the current time."

"Park visitors may want to bring some toilet paper and hand sanitizer with them as they go out to our parks, just to be safe. With limited staff, restrooms can only be cleaned and checked 1-2 times a week. At this time we are not able to wipe down playground equipment, tables or other surfaces at the parks. There may become a point when restrooms may need to be temporary closed if there are further health protocols."

A message from my county parks department.

It's good to know that we can still use the parks. We're advised to do social distancing, and reminded that you can still go outside. Just don't do group activities, and keep your distance. Sanitize surfaces for yourself, or keep track of your touching and sanitize your hands.

But who are these fiends who steal toilet paper from public restrooms?! How can you squat so low?

And what is "if there are further health protocols"? Is that something people do in the public restroom when they find there is no toilet paper? Are they wiping themselves on the walls and floors? Come on, people! This is a civilization we are upholding.